Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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