she woke up with a sticky ear
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
