I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
