Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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