not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
