People with herpes should wear stickers.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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