69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
