Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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