Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
