So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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