so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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