I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
