i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
as a side note pls kill me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
