I think my fart just growled at me.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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