If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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