so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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