Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
