you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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