I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize