I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
