Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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