lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
