oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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