Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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