I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year