The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?