don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.