i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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