who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!