Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?