You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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