I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
