Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
