His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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