Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
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I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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