I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
