On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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