why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My penis needs a shock collar
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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