I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
