What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
