are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
