I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
