Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
