I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
