Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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