I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
