I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
