Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
