I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize