Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
