This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
