my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
