He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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