What a fucking waste of an outfit
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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