no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
