you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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