and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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