Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
