Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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