I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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