Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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