I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
