dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
