you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
