Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
