She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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