I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You are a genius and a whore.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
