Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
