can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize