I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
