im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
