whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
