I hate all girls vehemently.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
